Thursday, August 6, 2009

The bitch list

A list, in no particular order, of things/people I'd like to bitch about:

1. What is up with the woman who drove her car the wrong way on the Taconic? I can't wrap my brain around it. I do not understand how a woman with four children in the car could drink the equivalent of ten shots of vodka before noon. To me it seems like she'd have to have some sort of psychotic break, her mind snapped in half. I agree with the press that the family is not telling the whole story. And her husband insisting they exhume the body is just a further symptom of denial. The same can be said for Katherine Jackson, all due respect to the woman. Nobody murdered your son. He killed himself. It's what happens sometimes to drug addicts.

2. The State of New York for denying me unemployment benefits. Albany is a friggin carnival, a congregation of clowns and miscreants; the lame duck governor and elected officials wanking off on company time. Listen: I worked hard all summer long. I was only allotted 120 hours by CUNY. I'm now unemployed, what don't you get about that? Why does it matter that I have a reasonable expectation of work in the fall? What does that have to do with NOW. Today I am unemployed. I pay my taxes. I'm taxed to DEATH by you. May you all have the worst case of hemorrhoids ever.

3. The man at the pool I like to call the Beast. He jumps in the water like a great white whale, like Flipper on steroids, totally disregards other swimmers, and crashes into me because he is completely oblivious. I'm like "Dude, you're scaring me." He grunts, "I'm sorry," and does it again. Finally I have to get out of the pool, exasperated, and pissed off. I go there to relax. I follow the rules of polite swimming. They're posted clearly. Read them, dude. With you there, furiously pumping your fat arms and legs, with no regard for others, I might as well be on the 4 train with two angry prostitutes.

4. August in the city, in general, is a bitch.

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