Brilliant blue sky and very cold, the little white goddess is gnawing at her leg, and I just got off the phone with my madrina who is very sad b/c her best friend is dying. this life, this life what are we to make of this life. it's no accident that Baba Ram Dass, says be here now, and Eckhart Tolle says be here now, and Louise Hays says be here now. But do you know how difficult that is? We are hard wired as a culture to not be here now, we are hard wired to obsess about the future; as in how can it be better than the present. I was at the gym and I was trying to quiet my mind and give myself up the serotonin that was hitting my brain, but it wasn't working. I was aggravated by the plagiarism I discovered in several essays I was grading last night, pissed off at someone who is acting like a little bitch, so it was that kind of morning, Monday. but the potential for happiness was there, if only I could let go of that, the petty aggravations, and enjoy the sweat pouring down my brow, and my legs feeling tight and strong, facing into the morning sun on the treadmill.
I saw a man at the gym who was acting and sounding as if he was torturing his body, doing leg presses with ALL the weights, what is that, like 200 pounds? I've noticed that some men when they are working out, sound like they are making love, having an orgasm; the grunts, oooooh, the groans, aahhhhhhh. I'm not bothered by that, it doesn't throw off my concentration, but this guy sounded like the nazis were in town and were dancing on his testicles in their jackboots. and when he stood up he could barely walk, dude looked like he was in serious pain, plus again, very vocal about it---- Nnnnnn, aahhhhhhh, sweating and looking like he was about to pass out. like he was James Brown at the gym; bring on the velvet cape, he's going down! and maybe it was a performance, he had to be cognizant of all the noise he was making.
shit like that throws me off. i couldn't find my groove, I couldn't be here now, I was off into the future, how i would schedule my day, what i would get done, who I would finally call and get some shit off my chest, how much of that stack of grading I was really going to do, would I do another edit of an article I'm writing--- my colleague wrote the screenplay for Debbie Does Dallas, so I interviewed her last summer--- what would I do, what would I get done, all the while my body was thanking me for the weights and cardio and the streteching and the steam and the hot shower. I chase after that mind body connection, its very powerful. I do feel good now, I might even be happy. it's important that I try. suddenly being happy has become my life's goal. I want to be happy every day that I am alive and breathing in this beautiful world. I don't want to be chased by the dragon of anxiety, I don't want to be sucked down into the culture of fear, and snarky bitchiness over the ravenous cult of celebrity.
Joseph Campbell said we live in a time that is bereft of myth, and I agree with him. We outgrew Greek and Roman myths obviously a long time ago, and we've, for the most part, have outgrown the myth of Christianity. so what are we left with? We are left with nothing. Except nature abhores a vacuum, our collective unconscious needs something, right? Something to live by, someway to shape the template of our lives. I think the LCD (lowest common denominator) solution is the cult of celebrity, where we've created tangetical, temporary gods. But on the other hand there are people like Ekhart Tolle, and I believe he is the real deal. A real teacher, in the spirit of Joseph Campbell. And I was seriously amazed and pleased to find many, many people reading Tolle's book on the subway. at the same time I was! that was the collective unconscious, too. So there is hope! the important thing to do is keep smiling, have great sex, if there is a little white goddess in your life, take her for a walk, stay out in the sun as much as possible, the light is like liquid gold.
insert prayers for my madrina here:
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