The 1,000 mile stare

Hit the wall this week. Have the 1,000 mile stare. Got up at six Tuesday morning to get my grades done. Sat in my office and for the life of me couldn't remember the formula I've been using to calculate grades for the past 15 semesters. I tried for a half hour and gave up. Decided to wrangle with Time Warner over the cable bill, and so it went. 9:15 and it was time to read 30 pages of material for a symposium that started at 9:45. On my lunch break I typed a letter that needed to go into my grade file at the other college where I teach. Knew I needed to get there by 4:00 p.m. at the latest, deadline for those grades was 5:00 p.m.

I dashed out the second I could leave, at 2:30--- sitting on the subway platform, trying to calm myself down, trying to get a grip. Couldn't even savor the pleasures of caffeine b/c my stomach was fucked up. A colleague joined me, a PhD candidate in anthropology. We had been in a discussion group right before we broke for the day. So we starting to conversate as the 4 train roared south towards Yankee Stadium. Dude was suddenly sitting very close to me. I thought, I wonder if he's attracted to me?

The train sped past the stadium, the tracks heading down into the darkness. He made it clear he was attracted to me. I could tell by his body language. I found myself attracted to him as well. There were two conversations at this point; one vocal, the other subliminal. It was sexy. This went on from 161st Street to Times Square. When he got off the train, I was smiling. My 5:00 deadline wasn't the only thing on my mind anymore--- I stopped stressing so much. Took deep breaths, knew everything was going to be alright. And it was.

We'll see what Mr. PhD Candidate in Anthropology has to say tomorrow. Maybe he'll be one of these guys who gets all sheepish, and pretends the context and the subtext of our conversation never took place. Or maybe we'll keep on talking. Either way, it's all good. Either way, I got a little bit of pleasure in a bad week of bad stress.