Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Real New Yorkers

We are not thrilled when celebrities start to frequent our favorite coffee shop, bar or restaurant. We are not thrilled at all. In truth, the locals, the real New Yorkers--- we like to keep to ourselves. Celebrities bring in the outside world; the tourists, the trash and the folks from New Jersey which means the white stretch limos can’t be far behind and that ain’t never good.

Everyday, no matter how far we have travel, we always carry one if not two bags. The bag might be a tote, a backpack, a briefcase or a signature blue Tiffany shopping bag, but guaranteed this aforementioned bag contains some or all of these items: a water bottle, a pair of sneakers, a lap top, a book intellectual enough to impress the strangers on the train, but not a book we would actually enjoy, a snack maybe an apple or a box of raisins, an umbrella, a folded up newspaper, a pair of socks, a hat, spare change, a hair brush, a lipstick, hair spray, hair gel, and of course a Metro card.

We regard all night restaurants, bars, laundromats, grocery stores, pharmacies, bookstores, dry cleaners, salons, and coffee shops as our God given right.

We always have a subway strategy which evolves and refines itself the longer we live here. For example; I decided 15 years ago that I could improve the quality of my life by at least 35% by avoiding Penn Station, and I haven’t looked back. BTW: I avoid the big monster stations, like Times Square and Herald Square, and get on the first or last car.

Walking around the city in a torrential downpour or snow storm does not faze us . Every smart New Yorker (and there are no dumb New Yorkers) has all the appropriate foul weather gear. We all have warm hats, waterproof shit-kicking boots, a collection of umbrellas--- all black--- and if all fails, we tell magnificent lies when we call in sick because the weather is so bad.

Every New Yorker has an emotional connection to a building, a bridge or park that borders on the perverse. Said structure will bring tears to our eyes, inspire us to sing sad songs, and visit when we are drunk or lonely or both. For me, it’s the Brooklyn Bridge. I love it beyond all reason. When I am zooming along the FDR in a cab, heading south, as the Manhattan, then the Brooklyn Bridge come into view along the river, lit up by lights b/c of course its very late---- is a moment of the purest bliss.

Real New Yorkers NEVER stand in line to get into a nightclub or a restaurant. We NEVER wait months to get a reservation. The very idea is preposterous. We stand in ENOUGH lines--- we would rather go to the movies on Monday night or Wednesday morning just to avoid standing in line.

Let me repeat: Real New Yorkers NEVER stand in line unless they have to.  Got that?  Good.


  1. Now that I have learned something today, can I turn my brain back off? Liked it.

  2. Yes, Cliff, you may turn my brain back off. Glad you liked it. LAS